Pregnancy Humor

21 Nov

A little Thanksgiving Eve (is that a thing?) humor today.

You know you are pregnant when:

Your work trash can is full of food, food wrappers, utensils, and cups at the end of every day.

You refer to antacids, which are stashed around your house, car, office, purse, and every other place you can find, as breath mints.

Your pillow is larger (and sleeps closer to you) than your husband.

You don’t wash your hair for 4 days to avoid having to bend down and get your hair dryer out of the cabinet.

You get startled when you look down and see the lump under your shirt thinking something terrible has gone wrong, only to remember that “oh yeah, that’s supposed to be there” (this really does happen to me at least once a week).

Your husband will actually talk about his feelings so that he doesn’t have to hear you rattle on about baby stuff (or will counter your baby blab with fantasy football blab).

You cry inconsolably because you mistakenly tipped the pizza guy an extra $5 because you got confused over how much change you should get back.

You feel an overwhelming urge to destroy every single driver who cuts you off, doesn’t use his blinker, stops too abruptly, drives too fast, turns too close, etc.

You have developed a list of excuses just to avoid going up a set of stairs.

You spend good money on shoes you normally wouldn’t be caught dead in because they are wide and squishy.

You wear your wedding ring, despite it cutting off circulation to your finger, just so everyone knows that you are indeed married.

You seriously wonder if perhaps you have twisted your ankle during the day because it looks like Cathy Bates got after you “Misery” style.

You stare at yourself in the mirror day after day and are puzzled by the person you see staring back at you.

Or is this just me?

Honestly though, pregnancy is a deeply riveting, mind/body/soul experience. There is no part of my body or being that has not been impacted by this growing baby. It has affected me in ways I never even considered. People often ask “is pregnancy all that you thought it would be?” My response is “it is all that I thought and more than I could have ever imagined.” I often wonder why women aren’t more forthcoming about their pregnancy experience (at least not until they find out you are expecting), but I can understand that now. It is pretty difficult to put into words, even for a long-winded person like myself. It is Mystifying, Magical, Miserable (at times), and Marvelous (the 4 “M”s of pregnancy….yes I totally just made that up).

I have dreamed and wondered what pregnancy was like since childhood, and on this Thanksgiving, I am so very thankful that I was blessed to be able to conceive and experience the amazing miracle of pregnancy.


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